Hi, everyone! How was your summer?
I spent mine working on POPULAR SEXUALITY and then last
week, my computer was so full, it crashed. Fortunately, I had
After the Labor Day weekend, I thought I might take a break
from POP.SEX and write this column. Before I go back to
scraping my book off the pavement of technological treachery.
Thank you for your letters, they have been many and
wonderful. Very supportive too when Mr. FUNTONE e-mailed
me everything I lost in the big computer crash!
There were visits from old friends:
Michele Rhea Caplinger, Will Palin, Jeff Haas, Tony Boldt & the
wild and always wonderful Jimmy Lalumia, how's the studio
and recording going buddy? Jimmy and I did the Breast
Cancer research show in Long Island. Great to hear from you
guys and send me some news! Couldn't resist calling Jimmy
and we had a great chat He is responsible for the links to
Jayne County & Cherry Vanilla. Lalumia says he is doing a lot
of writing, I should have asked him for which magazines, what
can I tell you? I must have been having a blonde day! I'll find
out and insert! He is a prodigious producer and remix genius.
It seems to be a music and photographic producers month.
I am planning to go back into the recording studio over my
birthday and rerecord THE WORLD IS CHANGING because
MP3.com seem unable to carry the tune, maybe they are in
litigation with Warlock and Adam Levy. MG (the boyfriend built
for pleasure) is adamant about the track being reissued. I got
my first management lecture, where I didn't get up and walk
out! MG loves THE WORLD IS CHANGING.
There were many one liners: "Hey babe, how's it going?" Well
shit Sherlock, tell me something good!!! How is it going? Better
than I expected. And Tony how are you, buddy? Still playing?
Whassup? Jeff, still designing web sites? Will and I traveled on
tour and had lots of laughs, the only person apart from me
who got up early. We would meet in the cafe of the hotel and
eat large breakfasts together while all the rest of the kids slept,
still they were exhausted playing shows. Not like Michele Rhea
who tells me some news;
"hey girl...... I cannot believe someone copied me on this bettyjack
- Angie page of yours .....How the hell are you my friend ? You
disappeared so long ago ( without a trace, I might add ) and I
often wonder where you are and HOW you are ? Please respond
when you can , I love ya and wish you and Stash well ! Still
fabulous on this end (my job, you know ...)kiss kiss, Michele"
Ms. Michelle is the super beautiful lady whose musical talent
graced the bands ( insert which bands) in Atlanta were visual
and lyrical works of art. Who can forget VELVET? Where Ms.
Rhea and her exquisite husband Monsieur Caplinger lit up the
city of ATLANTA.
Internationally, I was not able to make it to England for the
Bisexuality Convention in Manchester and I will take this
opportunity to say Hi to Laurence and all the people who
helped him make that convention happen. Here is a link to
their site: http://www.bi.org
If you are visiting Europe this fall; be sure to look it up, take
advantage of the events and fun that are linked through their
vast library of resources.
Check out the new & larger website of Betty Jack Divine
(bettyjack.com) which has a slew of fun things to look at
including photographs of yours truly and Betty Jack, Peg, Mr.
Funtone, Mikey, Dick what's our girl's name here? Boediceaia
Thracia (sounds like the name of one of Lily Bounty's
adversaries? I'm going to use that) the gang in Atlanta at the
Metro from my visit this year.
Also found the official web sites for Cherry Vanilla and Jayne
County so I will provide the links in this article! I'll have to find
which piece of paper they are on!
I guess we should answer some letters, yes?
Dear Angie: Hi, I saw your website and think it's fabulous! I
would like to introduce myself: my name is Dan and I'm deaf. I'm
an artist as well as a volunteer for the Deaf Entertainment
Foundation & Guild. You can find my organization's home page
at www.deo.org (currently the website's down due to technical
problems but it should come back up and running by September).
Do you happen to know Inette Schwam, an old dear friend of
mine? She was the one who introduced me to David Bowie's
music and other different kinds of music. As she knows sign
language, she'd sign-interpret songs for me, when we were
roommates at an apartment in Hollywood (way back in the '80s).
She told me about her friendship with you...spoke of you in
warm, glowing terms. Sometimes when I was riding with Inette,
we'd drive up by your house up in
the hills near Laurel Canyon (where the original Cat N Fiddler
bar was), and I'd wait in the car while Inette rushes into your
house and talk with you for a short time. Then she'd bring back
that "English cigarette"! Heh heh...Ah these were the times! I
remember one time she wanted to introduce me to you, but you
were busy that day (which we were understandable - I
don't blame you). If my memory serves me right, Inette used to
house-clean your house and occasionally babysit your son, isn't
that right? Anyway, I have not seen her for 15 years. I had
moved out of LA in '86 shortly after the last time I saw her, to
attend college in NY. Since then we lost touch with each other,
and now that I'm back in California, I don't know where she is
now. Would you happen to know her whereabouts? If you do,
would you please inform her
that I am back in LA? I would love very much to see her again!
She is like a sister to me. I miss her and kept wondering about
her...until finally I saw your home page! Thought maybe you'd
help me? I would appreciate this. Thank you very much! Keep
Hi Dan, Thanks so much for writing to me! I have not seen
Inette since I left Los Angeles. It was my daughter, Stasha, that
she used to babysit. Yes I remember that house in Laurel
Canyon and the raccoons on the roof over my roof. I shared
that house with my friend the writer: Jim Heinisch. That's
where I was living when I was doing Krisis Kabaret @ the
ACTORS CENTER in Los Angeles on Ventura Blvd. Haven't
thought about that for a while, boy did we have a great cast for
that show, the producer finally came to see the tech rehearsal
and wouldn't let us open when he realized the content of the
show dealt with drag queens and gay bars, there were 23
songs, and sketches. It was a great show! I still have the
soundtrack that I recorded for the show.
Stardust Times/"Backstage Passes"
"Hi Angie, Just one little question. How do you feel now, when
you think you've been one of the most women in the rock world.
I'm 29ä.I had 2 years when Ziggy lived, you met everybody in
the Rock Olympus, how do you feel now when you think about
that? thank you, Raffaele"
Check out the interview I did with Mike Harvey Part 2 @
5years.com. I answered that very same question for somebody
else. I answered it with reference to the reissue of "Backstage
Passes". (available at Amazon.com) Thank you for your e-mail
Dear Angela, Hi! My name is Elizabeth. I am 15 and come from
England. I've got three reasons for mailing you really. The first is
just to say that your lecture is really good. There's no one I could
talk to where I live about stuff like that so the internet is a bit of a
godsend really! I also wanted to tell you that I am a big admirer
of yours and that what it says on your site - be yourself always -
should be everybody's life motto. A lot of people at my school
think I'm a real loser but reading your site made me think " Oh
who cares what anyone else thinks about me as long as I'm
happy!" I've just read your interview on 5 years com. It must be a
real drag to have to answer questions about David all the time, if
I was in your place I'd find it hard. One last thing (long e-mail
huh?) I was just wondering if backstage passes is out again in
the UK and when it's coming out. (I think the new cover is an
improvement BTW!) Oh well that's it. Thank you for inspiring me!
Love your biggest fan, Elizabeth
Dear Angie, first of all I really want to tell you that I like the
interview you gave for Mike for his webpage "5.years.com" very
much. Was a really good interview and the photos of you and
your daughter are really amazing. I read the book "Free Spirit" a
while ago. I was really impressed by your poesie. Are you
planning books like that in the future again? How is your actor-
carrier going? Any new plans for your music? I'm from Germany
and have always been a big fan of David and you. I loved
especially the 70s period, but have been too young to see a show
of David. I just recently watched the Ziggy-film again, wow and
you look still as cool now as there :-)! Tell me your secret :-)! I
wish you good luck with your page and all the best, Bianca"
MOON GODDESS, my album is available HERE. On mp3, there is also a station called
MOON RAVE with a personal selection of tracks I like.
Backstage Passes has been re-released this month and is
available on line at amazon.com or in your local bookstore. I
will be doing a book signing 8.00 p.m. October 30th. at Borders
(check store for details) in Tucson. Thank you for your good
wishes Bianca and the same to you!
"Hi! I've been enjoying your site for a while now; I came across it because,
well, I'm obsessed with your ex-husband David to be honest. :) Yes, I'm a
hard-core Bowie fan...and I'm also bisexual! Anyway, I've been wanting to
read "Backstage Passes" (and your other, earlier book, I forget the title?)
for ages, but it seems to be out of print now. :( I read somewhere that it's
going to be re-released, do you know exactly when? (And will you do a
promotional book tour or anything? That would be so cool!) Well, I just
wanted to compliment you on a brilliant site and wish you all the best! I have
a website myself, at www.abbagirl.com, if you wanna check it out sometime
(if you're on the web and all, that is). Ciao!"
"I was browsing and came across your web site. I have read
your book Backstage Passes. I am not bisexual or gay but I have
an open mind. Are you still in touch with ex-David? How old is
Zowie now? I just wanted to say hi and acknowledge visiting
your web site. Linda Miller".
Zowie/Joe/Duncan is 29, last May. He was born in 1971
"Dear Angie, I became interested in the Bowie thing after i saw a
movie called Velvet Goldmine which seems to concern you a lot.
What were your thoughts on the movie if you have seen it. By the
way you look fab! Marina"
I discuss Velvet Goldmine in the second part of the Mike
Harvey interview on 5years.com
"dear Angie, i was just reading thru your home page and found
it very interesting i really admire you even though I don't know
you but i think you are a strong and passionate person, i was
just wondering what you thought of the movie Velvet Goldmine
which is based on david and iggy?? i really loved that movie and
i'm not sure how close it came to the truth? maybe you could tell?
heee even if the movie was more make up than fact i really
enjoyed it a lot and loved toni collette as *you* ....
thank you for your courage and inspiration its very important to
hear from people left behind on the other side of fame the( ex
wives /exhusbands) not just the now really famous ones ...love
"I had dinner with you in 1985, when i was in england with katy
k and joey arias...i found you to be interesting and articulate.
when velvet goldmine came out i was mostly interested in how
toni colette handled your part. i stumbled on this while looking
for material for women's studies class...i'm a tenured college
professor in new york. very interesting and well handled.
Thanks tanya indiana"
What a fun dinner that was too!
OMG... I don't know if you'll EVER get this e-mail, but just the
concept of it is so cool! OK, lemme just start out saying that I am
a 13-year-old fanatic of David Bowie. I love you and think you
are sooo cool! I read you book (though daddy dearest wasn't too
happy about it once he read it himself --lol) and thought it was
great. I don't wanna bring up a subject that makes you feel
uncomfortable or mad, so you don't have to answer this, but, how
do you feel about Iman? My friend and I can't stand her. She is
SO full of herself (I mean, have you ever seen her web-page??)
and she acts like David is hers...all hers... no one can else can
touch him... or even look at him for that manner. I mean, yeah,
save the children, ok... that's good. I sent this mean e-mail to her
once and she sent me something back like: "I loved hearing from
you! Thanks for all your wonderful comments!" and all that
crap. She must send the same e-mail to everyone! ugh... she
assumes everyone loves her. Anyway, sorry. I haven't heard
much about you for the last 6 or so years. How are you? My
friends are in the process of making me think that I'm NOT David
Bowie's wife, but oh well. I guess you've put your David years
behind you? Do you still by his new CDs an' stuff? hm. well, it
would be so totally awesome if you wrote back, so please do.
Thank you so much. Love, Stardust (aka Tara)
"Hello dear Angie, Just wanna tell you ; I known you're not so
"negative" that the "gnostic" david use to say !! Sorry about my
english. Love Alain"
I'm lost. Scully to his Muldur?
"Angie, Congratulations on your website and on your honest and
considered thoughts on bisexuality. Having listened to your
interviews over the years and having read Backstage Passes it's
refreshing to find someone who talks openly and from the heart
in such a concise manner. I have just read your interview with
Mike Harvey for the Ziggy Stardust Companion website, the
interest in that album never stops and I think you were being
rather modest about your contribution to that culture.
Best of luck with all your future projects. Graham."
"I enjoyed reading your comments on this interview and your
lack of bitterness shines through your comments and your post
Bowie period of your life...One of my favorite Bowie period pieces
that you were involved in was a Philly radio interview around
1974 where you talked about when Bowie did "Cygnet
Committee" in the studio. No one else has been able to capture or
describe that special song as well as you have. I am delighted to
see that it will be included on the upcoming Bowie @ the BEEB
collection. You never seemed to get the credit for your key
contributions to Bowie's career. Glad to see fans such as my self
value your contribution. Interesting that you settled in the Tucson
area...I go there each Spring to see my beloved Chicago White
Sox play spring training baseball...it is a very creative place."
"Angie! I saw Leee a couple weeks ago at a show for "The Star
Spangles" A band fronted by a couple of twenty year old guys
who are all into the garage rock sounds a la MC5. (Can't knock
'em for that) One of them, Tommy Volume, lives with Leee. I
think he has for the past year or so. It was great to see Leee.
Hadn't seen him in a while. Manitoba's was packed to the gills
that night and I was glad to escort him to the bar comfortably and
then to the front of the crowd so he could pass the drinks that
he'd gotten for the band to them. Same Lee as always! I met him
at the Max's Kansas City that was opened up in midtown a few
years ago. It was a night some friends of mine were playing
along with Jayne County. Leee had a showing of photographs
up there at the time and he's friends with a friend of mine who
introduced us to each other. Well I told you how I'm all into dress
up and make-up and all. And you know Leee to, so I'm sure you
can imagine that meeting. I remember him so well dressed with a
black vest over a red silk shirt and some crazy bolo tie. That
blond hair and his shining blue eyes... He was taking me
around the balcony and showing me his works. The "Max's
collage" and all. In particular I really remember him showing me
one photo (hung in the boys room) of him and Iggy with their
arms over each others shoulders. "I was so young then. And
Iggy and I lived together out in Hollywood in a place on
Mullholland Drive..." What a sweet guy. Of course he was
flirting like mad, but not more than I could handle. I only see him
every once in a while. So there you have that...Now as for
ME...I've finally gotten this band together. The guitar player has
been set for a while, but the bass player was just reeled in
within the past couple weeks. She's a lovely Japanese woman.
And very talented. Her name is Keiko. And we should have
shows booked within a month or two. I'll be sure to let you know!
The glam-rock party scene is getting pretty good here in NYC.
Don Hill's has the Squeeze Box every other saturday. Glam 2000
every saturday under Lucky Cheng's. I saw Tony V. at Mother a
couple weeks ago. There's no shortage of places for me to go all
dressed up these days. And there seems to be a good handful
of places for me to play. Le Bon Ton Roulette, Baby! Before I go,
did I tell you how DAMN GOOD you look? Oh! And I just read
"BackStage Passes." Thought it was a great read. I absolutely
devoured it! Dear, dear Angie. Hope to hear from you again.
And be assured that you'll always have an up to date
performance itinerary on me as soon as the ball gets rolling.
(right now it's teetering on the very edge for a Big-Bad Snowball
comin' right atcha!) Lots of love, kisses, squeezes and rubs!
Mr. Funtone, shall we insert the Leee photo of Mick here?
Of course, darling!
Ronno by Leee Black Childers
Thanks so much for the report on Leee. I am including a photo
Leee gave to me of Ronno, in the studio in his surfer boy
shorts, straw hat and singing like an angel. Leee Black
Childers is one of the great "be-there" photographers! As at
home in a studio as in a gallery, dynamic in rehearsal room or
during live performance plus he's a writer and journalist, so he
sees LIFE magazine and National Geographic spreads. Leee
really likes to get THE pictures, a whole story of pictures,
images, a life-style. Damn, he's good! Anyway, what else was I
going to tell you?
Why don't you send us a photograph of the band so I know to
whom I am speaking? You know what I look like? I feel at a
disadvantageäshe lowered her eyes and smiling
sweetlyä..COME ON SEND US A PICTURE OF THE BAND! I
don't even know it's name! I told you all about how wonderful
Leee is, next time you see him, get him to take your picture!
Now I want to know what the people I am sending to my friend
look likeä.PICTUREä.PICTUREä..PICTUREäit rose to a
crescendo and suddenly the singer walked forward and said, Is
this a big enough picture for you? The Gown fell off and more
than a few people gasped in admiration.
I am in a good mood today, Stasha called yesterday and had
me laughing so hard. Young people have the best sense of
And I love your answering my question about glam nightlife in
New York. Thank you. Looks like you've just been elected to
deliver random reports on New York in a human about town
How was Tony Visconti? When you see him next, please send
my love and to May. Who's he recording now? I swear that man
is a genius and a natural born teacher. When I first spent time
in the recording studio, it was with Tony and I watched and I
learned and I listened. Those guys: Tony Visconti, David Bowie,
Ken Scott and Gus Dugeon (sp.?) were so good to me and
because of the patience and tolerance, I learned to produce.
What more incredible seminar could a 20 year old find to do
but be in Swinging London in 1969?
On the loose, freed up from college right in Wardor St. at
Trident Studios recording with this crew, never mind the
amazing musicians who were on Space Oddity, I loved sitting
there listening, watching them work, observing, happy little
writer and I wrote all the time, notes on what they were doing,
how they were solving the problems, what I thought of the
songs, lists, constantly writing.
Sometimes I would pass Tony the tools and hold the wooden
cover for the equipment while Tony fixed whatever it was.
He was a great engineer as well. Ken would come back in and
say "Couldn't wait for the tech.?" Tony would look sheepish. He
did the same at Haddon Hall. One day I was whining about the
kitchen being a broom closet and there were no cabinets and
no counter space and Tony just strapped on that tool belt, his
dad was a master carpenter and built cabinets and shelves.
David got me an an amazing 3-oven, 5-or-6-hot-plates, Carron
Capri Gas Cooker. I really liked that and a freezer and a huge
refrigerator and washing machines and dryers. I had no
capitalist qualms as I was practically running a catering
business in my own mind! Anyway it was great learning times.
Learning to grow up and we were all very young. I'm amazed
"Before i go any further, just had to tell you that you are
captivating! wonderful site! Thanks"
"WOW Angela, What an informative Web site! You were one of
the only "public" people that I could identify with as a teenage
girl in the 70's. Not only are you a knock-out but a women that
speaks her mind. People of all sorts need more role models like
that. Canada can be a lonely place for anyone questioning the
sexual orientation. I've seemed to come out in the wash alright.
Thanks for the positive words. Being Bi is more than being
trendy. P.S. You still look fantastic! Dean"
Hope to see you on tour in Canada. We're plotting our moves
as we speak!
"Dear Angie, Great article! Well written and interesting. Thank
"Hi there Angie, just dropped in to check out your site :) whilst
perusing the web!....."it's great to finally find out more about you,
than the usual stuff".....please, please, please, keep it updated..
love John & Wanda"
"Wow, are you THE real Angela Bowie? It would be sooo cool to
talk to some one like you. You're awesome."
"Angie, What an interesting webpage you have! I was half-
expecting to read more about the cool 70's hijinx that you and
David had. However, I was pleasantly surprised to read your
very personal essay on Bisexuality. You make some very
interesting observations that I agree with but have seldom
thought about. I think you and David gave social evolution a little
nudge in the 70's. You knew who you were and didn't give a
monkey's ass what people thought: I fully support that!
...And you LOOK GREAT! Take Care (great webpage!)-m""
"I think you are beautiful. I would love to hear from you
sometime. I'm in a confusing time of my life----45 and 3rd.
divorce. Male singerä.confused! Dave"
Confusionä.Relationships are confusing don't you think?
When they are going well, you don't think about them and
when they are upsetting, it feels as though the world has
tumbled in on your head. Thank you for the compliment. My
mother used to say "Pretty is as pretty does!"
Being confused is normal isn't it? Being certain is what's
dangerous. Fascists are perfect in their own minds!
A little uncertainty and confusion means you are still growing
and evolving not some self-satisfied, smug know-it-all. Maybe
the answer is not to strive for perfection. Why wait for death to
be perfect? To heck with being perfect, let's settle for being
cool, alive, interested in other people and productive. Think of
me once when you sing a song, Dave!
"HELLO ANGIE, my name is PATRICK and i am from philadelphia
the city of brotherly love i hope all is well with you i have been
trying for several years to find out what you have been up to. But
i could never find much info on you. Last time you were in
Atlanta Georgia that was the last i heard now i understand you
are in Tucson never been their but i here it is beautiful i have
been a fan of you and david for many years since 1972 i still see
david when he tours i have hit my 100th show in november in
NYC 1999. i don't know if you remember since it has been so
long ago when you played here in philadelphia at the kennel
klub i still have photos of us backstage i will try and send you a
copy when i can get my printer up and running. i do hope to here
from you please keep in touch. LOVE YA PATRICK AND GOD
Hey Patrick, nice to hear from you. Thank you for your kind
words. Could you do me a favor? Tell me which clubs you go
to. I would like to include Philadelphia in the tour.
"I thought that its really cool how you said your thoughts and
what has been going on in your life. hope all is going well for
you. What made you come to the conclusion that you were bi?
please write back and give me your input. thanks, tara"
The conclusion? When I kissed my friend at college or she
kissed me. I liked it. So I thought but I like kissing men too.
What's up with this? Why do I have to be one thing or the
other, I don't know yet who or what I am? So I'll be bisexual
and then whatever I do OR pursue will be cool. I tell all about
this in "Backstage Passes".
"I've always found some women very sexy like i've always
wanted to be with them other than friends like lovers does that
mean i'm bi because i have a boyfriend of 2 and a half yrs and i love
him dearly but i want more Milli"
I don't know Babe; sounds like you're just bored. Try dressing
your boyfriend up as a girl if he likes that sort of thing and see
if that gives you a rush! We humans do a lot of that "I want
more stuff", don't we? As for calling yourself names like bi,
don't buy into that crap! Who cares what term people give
anything. Labels are so slave and factory-like as if you have to
categorized so you're part of a demographic. I don't want to
play that game. What do you care? Does it matter what label
we carry? Does it make us any the less worthwhile? Does it
mean that at any moment we couldn't change? Totally reverse
our behavior and preferences?
Of course we could. That's why my dad stopped smoking every
year for Lent. You prove to yourself that you are not a pawn.
It's something else that humans do: categorize and select, what
can I tell you? It is the nature of our species.
"You are amazing Angela. Not only is the world bisexual but also
Are you being rude or cute or both? Thank you for taking the
time to send an e mail.
"DEAR ANGELA, I JUST READ YOUR STATEMENTS AND
FOUND IT TO BE VERY INTERESTING. I AM GLAD TO SEE YOU
ARE SO OPEN ABOUT YOUR SEXUALITY. I READ YOUR
ARTICLE, NOT BECAUSE I AM BI SEXUAL, BUT BECAUSE MY
HUSBAND OF 12 YEARS IS. HE CAME CLEAN ABOUT A
MONTH AGO AFTER I FOUND HIM LOOKING AT PORNO
PICTURES OF GAY MEN ON THE NET. ABOUT 3 YEARS AGO,
HE HAD AN AFFAIR WITH A YOUNG MAN. WHEN I WAS GOING
TO LEAVE HIM BECAUSE OF IT, HE WENT CRAZY, SWEARING
UP AND DOWN THAT HE REALLY LOVED ME AND DIDN'T
WANT A DIVORCE. HE PROMISED NOT TO FOOL AROUND
ANYMORE. AS FAR AS I KNOW, HE HAS NOT HAD ANYMORE
LOVERS. HE ONCE TOLD A FRIEND OF OURS THAT HE DIDN'T
VIEW A "ROMP" WITH A MAN AN AFFAIR. THIS REALLY BLEW
MY MIND. AM I SO OLD-FASHIONED? IS THIS HOW A BI-
SEXUAL PERSON JUSTIFIES HAVING SEX WITH A PERSON OF
THEIR OWN GENDER? I AM NOT STUFFY OR RESERVED. I
LOVE TRYING NEW THINGS WHEN IT COMES TO SEX.
I EVEN HAVE SHARED MY FANTASIES WITH MY HUSBAND,
HOPING HE WOULD FEEL FREE TO DO THE SAME. I HAVE
FANTISIED ABOUT HAVING A BEAUTIFUL WOMEN, SUCH AS
YOURSELF, PLEASURING ME WHILE MY HUSBAND IS MAKING
LOVE TO ME. BUT, I DON'T FEEL THIS MAKES ME BI-SEXUAL.
NOR, DOES THIS MEAN I WOULD EVER DREAM ABOUT
MAKING IT A REALITY. MY VIEW ON BI-SEXUALITY IS THIS...IT
IS A PERSON WHO IS ADDICTED TO SEX AND DOESN'T CARE
WHERE THEY GET IT FROM. DO YOU BELIEVE IT IS POSSIBLE
FOR SOMEONE TO BE IN A MARRIAGE, REMAIN FAITHFUL,
AND BE BI-SEXUAL? I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR YOUR ANSWER.
I WANT VERY MUCH TO STAY WITH MY HUSBAND. BUT, I DO
NOT WANT TO SHARE HIM WITH OTHER MEN. BECAUSE OF
THE AIDS VIRUS, IT MAKES ME VERY NERVOUS TO BE WITH
HIM. I AM TRYING VERY HARD TO LEARN AS MUCH AS I CAN
ABOUT BI-SEXUALITY SO I CAN UNDERSTAND WHAT HE IS
ABOUT. HE HAS TOLD ME IT IS VERY HARD FOR HIM TO
UNDERSTAND HIMSELF. MY SUCKY RESPONSE WAS "YA,
SUCKS TO BE YOU" MEANING, A WOMAN, WILL ALWAYS
WONDER IF YOU WOULD RATHER BE WITH A MAN, AND A
MAN, WILL ALWAYS WONDER IF YOU WOULD RATHER BE
WITH A WOMAN. I HAVE ASKED HIM OPENLY IF HE THOUGHT
HE WOULD BE HAPPIER WITH A MAN. I WANT HIM TO BE
HAPPY. IT IS NOT FAIR TO EITHER OF US IF HE IS LIVING A
LIE. HIS RESPONSE WAS NO.APPARENTLY, HE IS ONLY
INTERESTED IN ORAL SEX WITH A MAN. HE DOES NOT LIKE
THE PENETRATION BIT. I AM SO CONFUSED BY THIS WHOLE
ISSUE. PLEASE WRITE ME, I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR FROM
YOU. SORRY MY LETTER WAS SO LONG......THANKS FOR YOUR
TIME. SINCERELY, SUSAN"
Boy, what a conundrum! What to do? What to say? Let me go
back and collect your questions I am confused, I need a
I find 2 questions and 3 main points. Let's deal with the points
first: "he didn't view a romp with a man as an affair", your fear
as to the AIDS virus and I assume other STDS, "he is only
interested in oral sex with a man". Time to make a list. Decide
what you can live with, what's it worth to you, do you have
children, mutually held property or are there redeeming
features? Freedom from financial insecurity, companionship
etc. Whatever is important to you. I am sorry you feel badly
about it all? It helps if you had some doubts in your mind to
begin with, but I am sure that's not the case if you have been
together for 12 years!
Now your questions: "Am I so old-fashioned?" No, there's
nothing old-fashioned about being surprised that your partner
has a hobby that you know nothing about, it's like having a
"Do you believe it is possible for someone to be in a marriage
and remain faithful and be bisexual?"
No. If you're in a marriage, I prefer to call it a partnership as
there is a contract involved, you have to play by the rules of
the game and if you don't play by the rules of the game you
have to keep tabs on who's doing what so that if you ever get
caught you have plenty ammunition to shoot down any
attempt to confiscate your contribution to the partnership. Am
I making myself clear? Marriage is darned complicated, except
for raising children I wouldn't advise it for any human who
enjoys an easy life and a calm environment. I cannot fathom a
repeat of an experiment I already tried and found personally
and career-wise demoralizing. It did not work on the level of
providing a solid structure for raising children and I was
unhappy, jealous, neglected and incapable of making a
decision about any of it because so many signals influenced
my thought processes. What was the right thing to do? Did I
care? Should I end the torment once and for all? Could I find
solace in anesthetizing myself? Would some new sexual
interest bring me back and satisfy my failed marriage? Multi
partnered sex is for unattached people. If one has made a
commitment to someone, the rules are changing! Disease is
terminal, as bad as syphilis and gonorrhea before the invention
of penicillin. I wouldn't take the chance, not now, life's too
precious. I've got too much to do. You know what I mean? I am
sure you feel the same way. It is not acceptable behavior.
"dear Angie, Hello, and how are you? I loved reading your lecture
or whatever you call it on bisexuality. I'm 17 years old and am bi-
curious. The whole gay bisexual scene is taboo in my family and
I am a bit frightened to tell family members about my being bi-
curious. I know they will just say i am confused and that I only
think this way cos i was raped by a girl when i was eight years
old. It has nothing to do with that. i am attracted to girls, but
mostly guys. All of my closest friends know about this and are
very supportive, I actually have three friends that are bisexual.
You are a role model to me and you opened my eyes to a lot of
things. I read your book Backstage Passes last year and i loved
it. It was very informative and it was nice to actually read a book
about David Bowie that told a lot about you. My questions maybe
dumb but i would like to ask them anyway. How do you know if
you are bisexual? What do you do when you are made fun of
about the way you act, look and the way you choose to live your
life? I am very shy, but i want to break out of my shell and set
the world on fire with the true me and such, how do you think i
could do that? You have a daughter right? i think i heard you do,
how does she feel about your bisexuality? How is sex with a girl
different than sex with a guy? I am a virgin and just am curious.
Well hope to hear from you. Ta! Rachel"
Rachel, in answer to you question: "How do you know if you
are bisexual? You don't, and you don't use labels. There is
nothing more unattractive that a human being putting their
label on the outside instead of displaying their brain and wit.
You know immediately that they are so lacking in imagination
that only by belonging to an established group do they feel
justified to be who they think they are. Brains are the turn on.
Intelligence and humor are the qualities which move us. Barbie
doll bodies and physical perfection are vacuous phantoms of
the human spirit when not enough attention is paid to filling
up that brain storage space with fabulous knowledge. One of
life's purposes is to figure life out, right? Sometimes you can't
figure everything out all at once, so you leave it and move on to
other things, come back to it later. Wait until you are head
over heels in love and then inspect the object of your affection,
you can be pleasantly surprised by what gender your adored
"I need help; I recently found or realized that I'm bisexual and I
have only one girlfriend that is. My boyfriend is cool with the fact
that how I found out my boyfriend had to tell me the really fact
because I was afraid to tell him that I was attracted to Females,
he said he has done research on the subject so he is trying to
help me deal with this. But I really think it is more than being bi
sexual it is that fact that I'm more Bi than anything I have gotten
to a point where a Female turns me on more than a guy, and like
I said I have only one female friend close by; there is one that
boyfriend now in Wabash but we don't get up there enough for
me to do what I need to do or want to do with her I live in the
state of Indiana; I don't go out to meet new people, Is there any
thing I can do to feel the void in my life with beside being with
my boyfriend or my girlfriend All I now is I need both; And I
want both at the same damn time or I take him one day and go to
visit my girlfriend I real want to try this on her but not sure how
to go about it she now that I'm bisexual HELP WHAT CAN I DO To
help my self.....Karyn"
To be loyal, it's not fair to cheat on the person with whom you
are intimate; that precludes multiple relationships. You have to
make a choice: either be true to one lover or say nothing, live
in a deceitful way and then be the villain when you are
"Angie I am 20 years old I have had one sexual relationship with
a woman and ever since then I have erotic dreams about women.
I have a boyfriend he is the best I love him so much but we are
starting to have problems in our sex life. We have sex maybe
two times a month. I have never had an orgasm with anyone,
only when I masturbate. I need your opinion. Do you think its
because I am more into women and I need to fulfill this fantasy
again? The first time it happened we didn't have enough time to
enjoy our selves I was 17. Ever since then it hasn't left my
Probably. Orgasm is a mysterious motivator. I am writing
about it at the moment in Pop.Sex
"Angela, I think that what you wrote was great, and took guts. I
might only be 15 years old, but at east 3 of my friends at school
are bisexual. People always seem disgusted by this and they
don't understand how I can be friends with them. I think that
homophobia is just something people use to hide behind so to not
be a social outcast. They feel that if they aren't offended by it
then they will be an outcast. Even at 15, I am completely open
about it and I don't mind. My friends have every right to be the
way they are, and I don't feel that people treat me differently
because I am someone who feels that they have all the right in
the world to be who they want and are. I hold you in high
esteem, and think what you did was a great idea. It really got
the message out to people."
"Dear Angie, I'm glad I stumbled onto your site - I'm a 22-year-
old girl who's just recently started having doubts about her
sexuality... you know, I have always assumed I was
heterosexual just because it's society's standard - everyone else
is (or seems to be) so it wasn't something I thought about much.
Until I fell in love with a girl (in a girl's college, like you!). Now
that I'm exploring further I realize people always put labels on
everything. You're either straight or gay. I don't think I'm either
one or the other... because I also like men. But I'm already
worried about explaining that to others. I always feel I have to
justify my actions, and I worry about what other people think or
say about me, while I know I shouldn't. I just hope the old-
fashioned idea of bisexual people being promiscuous and 'easy'
will go away SOON! I'd like to live my life not worrying about who
I love or why. Thanks for your story, I'm glad you're out and
proud, you are a good example for many people, including me.
Love from Holland."
Check previous response re labels! I know what you mean.
"Dear Angie, I just stumbled upon your website and I think it's
really insightful. I applaud you for being so open about your
sexuality and I wish other celebrities would do the same. It is
wonderful that you are educating people on a subject that really
needs more attention. I believe that everybody is at least a little
bit bisexual and the world would be a much happier place if
people could just admit that to themselves."
"I loved your lecture!! I just came out as a Bisexual a little
while ago, and since then I have had some problems with people
who don't understand or think it is gross. I am 20 years old and
still afraid of the rejection based on the person I decide to love!
To me it doesn't matter what gender the person is. You love
what's inside of them. I find it sad that a lot of people don't
understand that. I was just writing to say that your lecture gave
me hope and inspiration to not feel like I am the only one out
there dealing with this. I just have to find other people that I can
help and in turn i can help them also! Thank you Amanda"
"Dear Angie, Thank-u for taking the time to write such an
informative, meaningful article. It is refreshing to read a bisexual
article that is not shallow, hateful or corporate funded; rather, it
is one that is relevant to all bisexuals that are trying to make a go
of it in the world today. Being myself I have often felt isolated,
not just based on my sexuality, but because of my natural
refusal to conform to what has been deemed "unacceptable"
where I live. After reading you article, I felt opened to a
sensitivity that made me cry, but one I realized that was truth.
Even though difficult and downright dangerous, the best things
that have happened in my life have been becoming an actor and
realizing that I was bisexual. I feel that it is this self-exploration
that you expressed in your article and that I have found in my
own life is necessary for spiritual vibrance and mental well-
being. Unfortunately though, not many people can do this for
many reasons. One reason, most importantly, is lack of
opportunity and an explorative attitude. If I had not left public
school for correspondence at age 14, I would have never have
discovered my two spirits. I feel that, mainstream media can be
used to anyone's sexual advantage, but it is also a damper for
anything "abnormal". Now approaching my 16th birthday, I am
guided by the love and acceptance of all those close to me and
my own set of developed morals. Thank-u for writing, once
This young woman is gaspingly eloquent. I am "bouche bee"as
we say in French. I wish I knew how to make the computer do
"I have had many problems in life because of who I am. Meaning
my sexual identity. I love life, and I love living it. yet not the
relationships I have had. It always ends up being; I have to give
into some kind of conformity. I tried, feeling like an angel with no
wings. I am so glad that I fond this site. I once again feel free. I
am living with a set of twins. They are my youngest two, one boy
and one girl. I hope to continue to raise them with that kind of
freedom. To accept themselves for who they are. Thank-you for
putting this on the web. Now I know what to say to a female
lover that wants me to choose just her. Thank-You Another two
What are you going to say?
"I just read this and it was a real eye opener. it was great...i
loved it. i'm 17 years old and its great that there is someone who
can totally relate to how i feel and be sympathetic and
understand...it's awesome. thank you for writing it. it's very
assuring and inspiring. I only wish that there were more adults
around like you."
Thank you so much for your interest and the time you took to
reply and comment on www.angiebowie.com. I am so glad to have
heard from you. Already my file for Part 2 is bulging and I will
have that to Dick asap. End of part 1. In part 2, hear what my
traveling companion had to say about our trip to Los Angeles
together! He was gorgeous . . . from Big Sur.